When you wish upon a star....

I'm usually knocked out, sound asleep when flying for more than two hours. But on my flight home tonight I woke up. I lifted my window shade and gazed at the stars. So pretty, so peaceful. And then, for the first time in my life I saw a shooting star! I giggled. Then made a wish.

I wished that I can know love....the kind a person grows old with. The kind that fills the heart with contentment and connection and an assurance that your partner is there for you and with you and you, with every good you can muster up, give it back without request.

Then I thought about life and it's brevity, death and it's mystery. I prayed; for my parents, my brother, my nieces and nephews, my family, my lover and his family, my friends and their families. I prayed that I could somehow be a consistent expression of love, kindness, and connection to them. I asked for help to love and care for them well. I asked that my hugs, kisses, and speech demonstrate my appreciation for them.

And then I, like some super hero with telepathic abilities, tried to squeeze out energy while holding thoughts of them and gave away good, happiness, love, laughter, peace, success and comfort .

And then I cried...cuz I'm a complete waterhead, mushy, sap!

I wished on a star and I hope wishes come true.
I said a prayer, and I hope it was heard and answered.
I released positive energy and hope it reached them and was felt.

Surely, one of these will stick. In the meantime, I'll do the leg work!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

humanity...

I AM NOT....

nothing to blog here....picture says it all...



from http://naturalhairteens.tumblr.com/



All Aboard!!




the prisoner, the robin, the officer (and birthday girl),
 the sundrop, the devilish

 

To celebrate one of my girlfriends’ birthday we took an Amtrak train ride from Birmingham, AL to New Orleans, LA for Halloween weekend.  Costumes in tow headed to Bourbon Street, we tore up the town. Well, we watched as others tore it up and jumped in every once and a while like double-dutch.  The entire trip took us about 36 hours (round trip).  I assumed it would be an amazing time of girlfriends chatting it up about boys and babies, painting our nails, giggles, fun, dancing, eating, very little sleep… (and it was!!).  But what I didn’t expect was to be so moved by seeing the south in such a moving way from my Amtrak window.  We boarded the train while being assisted on by a gentleman with his hand out as we stepped onto a small bright yellow stool onto the train.  I felt like such a lady.  “Make a right and take a seat anywhere…” we were instructed.  The seats were comfy, much larger than an airplane, they reclined with a mini lazy boy type extension and a foot rest.  The conductor came to our car and announced “Welcome aboard!”  I thought surely he could do that using an overhead speaker, I mean it is 2011.  But I grew to enjoy his announcements along the way.  He would explain that Amtrak has very little train tracks of its own and had to share with freight train tracks so we might be a little behind schedule.  (I couldn't help but think about Denzel Washington's movie Unstoppable...uh oh...).  He told us about the snack car, dining car, business center area, game areas and available restrooms.  

He also told us about the towns we’d pass through with a little history every now and then.   One of my favorites was Moundville, AL. Although we passed it too fast for me to snap a picture, I did get to see these huge beautiful mounds (ranging from three to 57 feet high) strategically place and sitting on top of the open fields like big green Legos. 

Moundville, AL

They seemed so out of place but very interesting.  The conductor said that they were sites of Indian villages and burial grounds.  I quickly jotted a few notes down so I could Google later.  Moundville was a very large population and a thriving city for its time.  The mounds were centers for religious and political activities.  But no one is quite sure how the use of these beautiful structures ended.  Geesh! I really wanna know what happened.

Meridian, MS

We also saw some very old train stations that seem to just pop up.  We’d slow down, pick up a passenger or two and then keep moving. It reminded of old movies where ladies wore tailored dresses and gloves, and men wore suits to travel in and sat on the train sipping tea or whiskey.  It was poetic.  Meridian, MS even had an old train as historic relic right near the station where we stopped for more passengers and a smoke break.

Tuscaloosa, AL was hard to witness.  We could still see the path of the tornados that recently hit the city that left trees uprooted and homes without roofs.  It was humbling and painful.  But in a matter of seconds we were back to beautiful views of fall foliage, small streams and ponds and sunshine. It was like a watching an old silent film leaving any description and conversation to our imagination. 

Finally, NOLA.  Homes on cinder blocks and cemeteries with graves above the ground, again another moment, time, terrain and people.  And even though Bourbon Street was all about celebrating and partying, again the mix of people, costumes, messages, languages and accents gave us all another opportunity to accept others, be free in our own choices but respecting the variety of thought and expression. This experience reminded of times changing, devastation and rebuilding, differences and similarities.  It’s all a part of life that we share and get to experience.  I was born and raised in the south but this train ride gave me the opportunity to see my home in a new light.  It also reminded me to be open-minded and look for beauty, good, lessons and inspiration in the familiar and the new.  Looking forward to my next Amtrak train ride…..

BE in the Moment



Full plate!! School is requiring a lot more from me this semester, work responsibilities have gone up several notches, time with family and friends are necessity but I’ve been exhausted!  I’m not complaining just stating the facts.  I’ve been so focused on “stuff” that I’ve missed a few moments, and where I use to find time to just BE, I’ve been sleeping.  So I’ve negated my meditation, reflection and the present.  I decided to take a yoga class on Sunday to help solidify my choice to rebalance and catch my breath.  I went to my usual yoga studio but there was a new instructor teaching the hot core power session I take.  She was kind and warm.  I liked her instantly.  Our session started with soft music, deep breaths and the Supta Baddha Konasana restorative pose.  It felt great to be back in class.  As I laid there in gratitude for life all I’ve been given I recognized the lyrics to the song playing overhead.

“Yes, God is real. (God is real)

He’s real in my soul. (He’s real in my soul)

For he has washed

And made me whole.

His love for me (His love for me)

Just like pure gold (Just like pure gold)”

I knew the words but it was being sung in a yoga chant-like rhythm with a drum and some stringed instrument.   But it was moving all the same as I recalled the song from childhood.  Tears started to well up in my eyes and my gratitude increased for this moment, space, and the gift of connectedness to something greater than ME.  Then the calm voice of my new instructor said “In today’s practice, let’s focus on the present.  Be here. Right now. And if you feel your mind start to wander, use the rhythm and sound of your deep breath to bring you back to NOW.  This moment is for you.”

I don’t think my Sunday could have been any better.  For me moments like this confirm my purpose and existence in this space in history. I was right where I need to be that afternoon, right where my tired soul longed to be….reminded of love, life, rest, connection, my power to BE in the moment and not let the responsibilities and distractions of life keep me from tending to my soul while enjoying this journey. 

Whatever you do to center and balance and restore, don't neglect it.  Take care of your whole self. Namaste.

It's Not That Hard To Be Happy

I use to subscribe to a "climbing up the rough side of the mountain" type of living.  Where everyday was a press, an act of faith to hold a little longer until some magical change would appear.  It seemed to make sense too especially since everybody around me pretty much shared the same view in some way.  As a matter of fact, as long as everybody was "pressing" we seemed ok.  But not anymore.

Acceptance of my human limitations, personal skills and abilities and the realities of life that we all are vulnerable to like falling in love and love lost, landing a great job or getting let go, a new born baby and death of loved one produced enormous change in my life. 

"No temptation has overtaken you that is unusual for human beings." - 1 Corinthians 10:13 International Standard Version

That verse from the bible is one that pops up from my church days and I love it.  Whenever I do experience something painful and it seems too much for me to handle I remind myself that it's not new. Maybe it's new for me but not new to the planet.  What's happening to me isn't some grand discovery that requires science to develop new research methods and theories to figure out.  Most of the time I can google, ask a friend or a doctor about it and it's all good.  Sure I might have to apply a little elbow grease and work hard and/or differently, some critical thinking to reshape how I interpret it and patience to get through it (sometimes a tear or two and a few expletives) but that's normal.  That's called LIFE, complete with change, maturity, resiliency; ya know, the basics. 

Not one single human being is immune to life and its challenges or its triumphs.  We all experience both.  I've learned to accept that, and some how life became easier.  It's easier to enjoy the moments I have because I was no longer battling against life but instead living life.  My focus turned from "struggling to make it and forcing joy" to starting my day with "What are the possibilities of today?  How will I grow? What will I learn?  How hard will I laugh?  Who can I make smile?"  And happiness just sort of happened.  Not because of things or people in particular but because of my perspective, interpretation and acceptance of what I could change and what I could not change. Now things and people are like icing on my happy cake!  Want a slice?

"...savor the moments of pleasure that our brief life contains. It is not denial but courage that allows us to do this.  That and an unwillingness to let the present moment be drained of joy by fear of the future or regret for the past." - Dr. Gordon Livingston from Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart

My Favorite Birthday Present....

photo from genii-cupcakes.co.uk

I just celebrated a birthday and I couldn't really think of any tangible gifts I wanted (and that made sense in my practical mind) besides a popcorn popper and couple of things for my place; so I bought them myself.  I did however, plan brunch and a movie with a few girlfriends that turned out to be a super sweet, intimate and relaxing afternoon.

But while alone in my thoughts, I smiled because the best birthday present I experienced was HAPPINESS.  Happiness and Freedom.  I've written before about the pressure I use to feel to be what people, deep-rooted beliefs, and social expectations were requiring of me.  I never felt free to make my own choices based solely on what I wanted, to learn with an open mind, and to explore without fear.  Not sure I even thought it was an option.  As a matter of fact, I didn't know I wasn't free, I just knew I wasn't happy; waiting on some divine intervention to MAKE things better.  The past 10 years have been unbelievable (good and not so good), but the past year has been AMAZING!!  I admitted so many things to myself; defined my own ever evolving truths, desires, beliefs; no longer suppressed by what I was "suppose" to accept as truth, to want, to believe and to think.  I also became more confident in expressing my truths risking relationships with my family, friends and coworkers.  I didn't take on this challenge with a chip on my shoulder or to prove anything to anyone else.  I pushed myself so that I could see my choice in action.  I wanted a say in my life.  I wanted to see my life, my heart, my mind become peaceful, to see my intentional choices create what I want for myself.  And I've seen it happen.  To be happy.  To have great relationships.  To be financially stable.  To be intellectually stimulated.  To be physically strong.  To simply own my consequences and outcomes and to make adjustments as necessary and as I am ready to.  To exercise a confident resilency when on the down slopes of life and remain hopeful.  To constanly be aware that no one was gonna do what I needed to do for myself. It's not that any of this wasn't possible before, but I was stuck thinking there was only one way to live; waiting for a miracle.  The only miracle I've witnessed with results is the miracle of CHOICE and it is powerful.   

I Wish I Never Knew Religious Beliefs

Photo from www.smileconstantly.wordpress.com

I still make wishes every now and then, perhaps the kid in me would like life to be that easy.  Blow out a few candles or dandelions, throw a penny in a well, close my eyes immediately after seeing a shooting star then make a wish.  And no doubt I've had a few come true, not without my own effort, planning and hard work of course.  But the wish to know life without Christian Fundamentalism is one that I will never experience.  I was raised that way and had spent 30 plus years believing it, even though I didn't always try to live it.  But why would I wish I never knew it? So I could know what it's like to live life without the lingering thoughts of God, Christ, Satan, hell, sin, submission, backsliding, repentance, church on Sundays, bible study, tithing, equally yoked, prayer, fasting, blessings, curses, and seeking God for His will before I make decisions etc.   

I can't emphatically say that I believe the basic tenements of Christianity and it seems hypocritical to me to say I am a Christian. But admitting it came with a boat load of fear. Fear of being struck down, killed and sent straight to hell, judged and labeled a backslider, losing relationships with my Christian family and friends, and ending up on everybody's prayer list for God to call me back to the fold.  As hard as it was to deal with those fears (some I saw painfully realized), I never could have imagined the mental battle I would face while learning to live a normal life without Christianity.  I had no idea that it would even be an issue.  Here are a few examples:

1. Having dinner and wanting to just eat but feeling like I should say grace especially when with believers.

2. Getting paid, not giving any money to God via a church and being OK with that decision.

2. Dating and learning that religious beliefs pose a serious issue, even for me.

3. The responsibility that comes with owning my life choices and the outcomes produced vs. thanking God for the good while rebuking the devil for the bad.

4. The anxiety experienced when asked "What church do you go to?" and having to respond with "I don't."

5. Wondering if good will happen in my life without professing Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

6. Not saying "Thank you Lord" when good does happen and looking around for curses to appear in my life because of my lack of acknowledgment.

7. Questions about the afterlife that can never be answered until I experience it.

8. When my non-belief is exposed, people say it's because I was mistreated by clergy, or hurt that God didn't save my marriage or heal my sister of stage four cancer.

I could go on and on with this list, most of which says more about my perceptions and new thoughts  bumping up against my old fundamentalism.  I really shouldn't care as much as I have since my reasons for not believing have to do with facts and historical discrepancies that would make this post even longer than intended (maybe I'll share some of it later). But while owning my new thoughts I'd often have knee jerk responses to life and then think "Wait, why am I doing this?"  My friend and I call it residue; a left over film of fear induced beliefs still clinging to areas of my mind.

Now, don't get me wrong I'm not rude.  My father is a preacher, my mother a devout woman of prayer, my brother a minister in the area of music and an even longer list of religious family members with various titles.  With all of these family dynamics, I would be inhumane to disrespect my loved ones.  Just because I've changed doesn't mean others have or will.  And I could very well change again.  So I pause as grace is said, visit my father's church and actually pay attention listening to learn something, accept that people have different beliefs, don't stir up any unnecessary issues in a group of believers, give to organizations that help those in need, and still express gratitude for the ability to live and enjoy a good life.  

But after making new friends who are less rigid Christians, or friends who are spiritual and open to many different thoughts, or agnostics who admit they aren't sure either way, I've been shown a different spirituality that still celebrates love, giving, family, hope and faith without fear.  But the most intriguing conversations have been with atheists who have NEVER known religion.  Nothing pushes them toward it or from it.  No mental hurdles to get over, no battles with God's approval or disapproval.  Just...........living.  And they still celebrate love, giving, family, hope but no faith.  They are free to think for themselves and make decisions without cognitive dissonance with their eternity hanging in the balance.  No spiritual attributions made to explain life's ups and downs. They seem to look at life with rational thinking, scientific facts and proven theories.  No asking God to "help my unbelief", they just don't believe.   I'm not claiming one is better than the other especially since wonderful things and awful things happen on both sides.  People need different things to make sense of life and it's not my intent to determine truth for anybody else.  To each his own.  I just wonder what that would be like.  I wish I could know, if even in a dream.

Death = ?

Pic from Askville.amazon.com

I know. The title sounds morbid but I don't mean it that way. Just up pondering about the afterlife. It actually feels like a waste of time considering no one really KNOWS what's after this. We all have beliefs that we deem as truth but really they're just beliefs and comforting hopes. I think about my sister often. Wondering where she is or if she is. When she first passed I held on to the hope of a heaven. It got me through the pain of not having her here anymore. But now that it's my reality and I admit that I don't really know, I'm just curious. Here are the options I imagine:

1. Heaven. Streets of gold, pearly gates, Jesus in a white robe with a sash. God on the throne, angels circling and praising Him and millions of others souls joining in on the celebration. But then I'm not sure if that would be happening just yet because the bible says the dead are sleeping until they are awakened for judgement. (Or something like that). Either way, heaven is all good and all love. Except...I think my sister would be bored. Gold streets and pearly gates and everybody dressed alike is so NOT my sister's style. She was vibrant, colorful, expressive, silly, creative and artsy. Surely there's a Artist's Corner somewhere in heaven.....if there is a heaven.

2. Reincarnation. The First Law of Thermodynamics says "Energy is conserved. It is neither created nor destroyed. It only changes forms." Was her energy changed? Was she reborn as another baby somewhere, or as an animal or a tree? But geesh, to have to do this earth thing again? I don't know. I mean a do-over would be pretty cool, but do you remember the mess ups you had before so you don't repeat the same mistakes? Hmm, maybe she's a butterfly because she was really into them and at least it would be a whole new experience. Or perhaps she's out there in the universe as a star. I like that idea!!

3. Nothing. One of my agnostic friend's introduced me to the concept of "nothing". What if when we die that's it? The end. Game over. There is no spirit or soul, the brain's trillions of synapse stop firing, chemical processes stop processing and we cease to exist. That was hard to download in my thinking as an option initially because I had never ever in life considered that. But after I got past my years of indoctrination about heaven and hell being the only possibilities, I thought "OK, nothing isn't so bad." Actually it's a comforting concept to not have to worry about making the heaven cut, or being doomed to hell, or coming back as a cockroach! Maybe the memories and the affections I have for her are all that remain to exist. Maybe?

4. Hell. I use to believe in a hell eternity for all those who refused to accept Christ because I was taught to think that way. Then I stopped believing that people went to hell for simply not believing just as much as I stopped believing that people went to heaven simply for believing. I can't wrap my brain nor my heart around faulty, broken, mistake prone, potentially chemical imbalanced human beings going to hell to burn forever because of a hierarchy of bad deeds while the folks in heaven look down at them through see-through gold floors. And the God of all has His hands tied because he gave His unchangeable word. That to me is cruel, evil, and unloving. It doesn't add up to me and I'd rather use any faith I have for "good stuff". So hell is not even an option for me to ponder about my sister or anyone else for that matter. It's just not in me to accept that.

Now, after all that, do I have to have an answer? Can I just not know and settle there? I mean, is there anyway to be 100% certain? Not by faith nor by theory, can we know? The stories people tell of dying and returning after experiencing what they already believed to be true aren't convincing enough for me.  Nor are the atheists view of nothingness.  Seriously, how do we know? I just.........wonder.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Honey and I went to the park earlier this week for our typical after work exercise routine.  While settling into a nice pace I notice a mutt doggie, as red as Honey, and his mom-owner having a disagreement.  She wanted to keep walking but the doggie stopped and sat in the grass.  She was actually lifting him up by his torso trying to get him to keep moving.  I thought it was hilarious and figured the dog was just tired and hot.   But as Honey and I got closer the handsome fellow locked his eyes on my Honey and instantly popped up.  He started to sniff and Honey did her usual brief sniff and kiss that she gives to dogs she likes.  However, she didn’t linger and soon looked at me like "Ok, Mommy, let's go."  But the new dog was following us and moving excitedly so Honey turned to give the smitten pup a few more kisses.  The owner explained that he was a rescue and other dogs freaked him out so bad that he would tuck his tail and just sit down.  This was his expression of fear; complete collapse.  After seeing her dog’s response to Honey she was surprised.  “He must like her”, she said.  I thought it was the sweetest thing.  Honey’s magic seems to work on people and dogs and my heart melted watching the puppy (twice her size) spring up and play. My Honey’s cheerful and easygoing disposition offered safety and calm to a strange dog that was use to trauma and fear. Awwww…everybody falls in love with my sweet baby girl. <Insert proud doggie-mom smile here> 

Inspired I pondered the moments we humans have, however brief and random, to cross paths with someone that gives us hope, offers a needed perspective and shares love without expectation simply by being who they are.  I’ve experienced countless moments like these while shopping, dining out, via books and lectures and from my most appreciated family and friends that love and support me.  Just when things look so dark and stagnant Love shows up and sparks a fire in me to get up and LIVE; not just survive but to really LIVE.  I’m thankful.  I sincerely hope and pray that I offer the same to others.

The moral to the story: Give love and light just by being present and aware of your fellow sojourners.  It doesn't take much.  Acknowledge each other with a smile, a compliment, and a “thanks”; be empathetic, supportive and kind.  There’s a connectedness we share as living beings and we need each other.  Don’t hold back the LOVE!  

"Lebenschancen" - Life Chances

I had lunch with one of my girlfriends yesterday and she was updating me on her family happenings.  She and her hubby have recently made the decision to send their son to a private school to ensure his education was the best for his individual learning and assist him in getting over a few humps learning in his primary years.  The tuition will cost them a pretty penny too, so they are making changes to their spending to fit it in.  I sat there listening and thinking how much I admire her and her hub for the phenomenal job of parenting they do.  I thought about the gift they were giving their child as they make sacrifices to ensure that he is equipped with the necessary tools for success in his education.  Giving their son a chance at a thriving learning experience.

Lebenschancen, German for life chances, a concept introduced by German sociologist Max Weber to looks at the opportunities individuals have to improve their quality of life. 

“The opportunities mean the extent to which one has access to resources, both tangible ones such as food, clothing and shelter, and intangible ones such as education and health care. Quality of life comprises the individual's ability to procure goods, have a career and obtain inner satisfaction; in other words, the ability to satisfy one's needs.” (Wikipedia)

These “resources” are related to the socialization-inherited norms, customs and ideologies we value pursue, relate to, understand people, places and things as a result of what we have been socialized to hold as priority.  I wasn’t raised with education as an important factor.  It was more important to be prepared for God’s wrath and Jesus’ return so more weight was on faith, spreading the gospel, giving to others, etc.  It wasn’t until I chose what I wanted to be important to me (by way of new socialization – new surroundings, opportunities, mentors, experience, and personal needs) that education, among other things, became a priority.

I don’t have any children, so I will not pretend to think I know what it's like.  But what I do have are my memories of childhood to reflect on.  I have always imagined that if I did have kids I would hope to prepare them for life in the best way I know how, as do most parents.  I have felt that I’m not ready to raise kids and opted not to have any yet.  (I know...you’re never ready right?)  I assume there are sacrifices and lifestyle changes that must be made with the child in mind until they are adults and on their own.  Life chances.  I love this term, a chance to have a LIFE.  Are we giving children the optimum life chances?  Are we teaching the value of education, communication skills, resiliency, decision-making, financial acumen, community activism or better yet to be their best SELF and not our clones?  Are we teaching them to be self efficient thinkers that can make great choices for their lives? Or are we demanding that they be who we want them to be?  Are we just surviving teaching our kids to survive but not thrive?  Is that what we were taught?  Is that the extent to what socialization has taught us? 

Even as adults, who are free to make our own decisions, are we evaluating our values through the eyes of adulthood or just robotically living out what we were taught? I know adult kids, including myself, who at times struggle with making adult decisions in fear of what parents and extended family, friends etc will think.  We don’t want to hurt our loved ones but are we simultaneously hurting ourselves when we hide and smother our personal values and desires? I would never even imagine trading what I learned from my family about being a person of hope, giving, honesty, love and family but there are things that I’ve have decided are not as important to me as they were to my parents.  I have equally learned new things that are important to me that I never knew about before gaining my own life experiences.

As adults: Are we using our power to choose to increase our life chances? 

As adults reflecting on our childhood: Are we equipping children in our care with the best we have to offer and allowing them to use their power to choose to be the best at what they want? 

As adults with adult children: Are we accepting our children as they make their own choices and explore opportunities for life chances?

Just a few thoughts...

Camping

So I've diligently been chopping away at my "things to do before I die"....or before I have kids or before I get married lists.  It sorta depends on the item as to which list it belongs to.  Anyway, camping was on my list.  Was because I finally went a couple of weeks ago.  I didn't participate in Brownies or Girl Scouts when I was a kid so camping wasn't even on my radar.  But as an adult I've grown to love the outdoors....it's BEAUTIFUL!  

So as a requirement for school I had to take a activity PE course and I chose PHED 1087 - Survival Skills.....which included camping!  I was super excited about my brief stay at Raven Cliffs in Cleveland, GA.  Along with the camping we hiked to the falls and I loved every bit of it.  I made new friends and learned a whole bunch!  FUN FUN FUN!

Enjoying life....making the most of every opportunity!

Spreadsheets

Ever want to be somewhere else or doing something soooo bad that where you are now irritates the hell out of you???  Geesh!  I felt that life sucking feeling trying to creep up on me today.  I had a meeting that I was NOT looking forward to, didn't feel like analyzing another spreadsheet full of numbers and talking about it.  In my head I was thinking about my future full-time career; assisting clients, writing books, speaking, traveling, a family....  Tomorrow looked so much better than today's meeting. 

Then I thought about how much energy I was wasting dreading my responsibilities.  Dag-gone-it! I spent about 10 minutes of my precious life, irritated with my life.  Silly. Super counterproductive.  I mean "frustrating" is normal and human, but I'd rather move on.  So I did.  I prepped for my meeting, got everything as organized as possible and did what I had to do. It was sweatless.  Actually learned a lot too.  Plus I really like my current job, my coworkers and...yes...I love spreadsheets, queries and reporting! (Not to mention paying my bills, food in the fridge, a car, savings, giving, clothes, SHOES!) :)  Guess I was having a moment.

So today's reflection:  Do what you have to do now...embrace it.  It's just life.  Be thankful for NOW.  But keep planning, and prepping for those dreams, goals, hopes that are on the horizon.  Can't get there any other way but one day at a time anyway.  Uh oh, I think I just GREW!! Yippie!

live, love, teach, learn, give, grow, ENJOY!

Mini Vacay!

A few of my girlfriends and I went away for a long weekend to Destin, FL.  The weather was PERFECT! It wasn't that smoldering summer heat, nor the freezing beach breeze (until evening of course).  We laughed, danced, ate, sipped and slept! It was a great trip and an amazing way to say good-bye (for now) as one of our friends moves away this coming week. 

I left that weekend thankful for great friends, new and old, that have enriched my life in so many ways.  I'm grateful for the different perspectives, experiences, gifts and love that they each bring to my life.  I asked Love to help me maintain and expand an open mind and an accepting heart toward others because it continually fills me with compassion and empathy, and to be as much of a gift to my friends as they are to me.  Choosing to say YES to life, love, adventure and my personal truths rewards me immeasurably.  

There were many "lessons" revealed over the weekend but one message that stuck with me after chatting about our life experiences thus far is "I realize that I don't know anything...and I'm ok with that".

Cheers to LIFE and LIVING IT!!

Letter To Today (Tuesday, January 18, 2011)

Dear Tuesday,

I anticipated your long-awaited arrival after an impromptu winter vacation, thanks to the environment. I expected you to be a bit busy and preoccupied. I even prepared myself for an influx of noise interrupting the quiet time we usually spend together. I was ready for that. However, I did not think you would move so fast and place so many demands on me. Nor did I think you would offer such resistance with each task I attempted. Last minute meetings, computers freezing while presenting to my directors, ATMs inoperable while trying to snag a deal, lines lasting for hours during my one hour lunch only to have you ignore my needs for more time and fade away much too fast.

But I didn’t give up. Oh yes, you made it hard for me but I refused to let you go. You know what? I decided some time ago that everyday would be as good as I could make it. And I did. I chose to be courageous, happy, optimistic and creative, embracing every moment. I laughed at silly and awkward situations and caused others to laugh with me. So try as you might to sway me, I am HAPPY.  Besides, Wednesday is right around the corner wooing me....

“Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic” – Dr. Gordon Livingston

Life & Love Always,

S.H.

(A knock at the door…)

It’s 7:07pm, I’m winding down with my fuzzy slippers, dinner on the stove, a glass of wine in my very near future and now you want to snuggle up and spend some time together. Hmmmm…it’s ok, I understand. Come on Tuesday, let’s cuddle.

Snowed In...

It's day 12 in this new year and it has already been an adventure.  Looks likes 2011 will be quite a ride and I'm ready for it and every lesson made available to me!!!

Lesson 1:  Make the most of the moment!

We were hit with a snow storm in the south and of course everything shut down. We southerners aren't equipped to handle snow and ice like our northern counterparts so forgive us for being super cautious.  Several hours before the storm was forecasted to hit, a girlfriend and I decided to pay a visit to our dear friend who had recently had surgery.  The skies were clear so we thought it was ok to go to the other side of town with dessert, a crazy balloon, a meaningful card and love to bestow.  Of course we did the typical "when chicks get together" routine (talking, wine, snacking, laughing) and our visit lasted much longer than we planned.  Finally we decided to leave before the snow, that had begun to fall, got any heavier.  I kid you not when I tell you that we got about 4 miles away and could not see 10 feet in front of my car.  Cars were sliding, lanes were no longer visible and I was terrified.  So we turned around to go back to our friends home and wait it out.  Our "wait" turned into 2.5 days.

So here we are, stuck at my friend's home with plenty of opportunities to be annoyed, upset, irritated and impatient.  We could have complained, moaned and groaned (especially my friend who was post op and in a cast, with two dogs in tow and now two adults crashing her sofa).  But you know what happened?? WE HAD A BLAST!!  The time together proved to be easy, loving, silly, restful, playful, educational and just plain FUN!  We did allow each other to vent about the inconveniences but no one stayed in that emotional place.  We had an all out 2.5 days slumber party!  Complete with wine, strawberry shortcake, tortillas and cheese dip, coffee, belgium waffles for breakfast, web surfing, mushy movies, touching documentaries and silly events that we have sworn to secrecy! We made the most of the moment and enjoyed every minute of our time together.  As a result I've grown more in love with these beautiful spirited women and am grateful for their presence in my life.  *heart is full*

We can't always choose our circumstances but we can choose how to respond! xo

A Little At A Time

I have yet another busy week ahead of me.  I just mapped out my list of tasks for the week and seeing it in black and white helped to bring a sense of calm and clarity.  Although I have a lot to get done, I've decided to break it all up over the next seven days taking it little by little.

I read something last night that really helped me stay focused.  There was a woman who wanted to lose weight.  She wanted to be 30lbs lighter and wanted it all to happen NOW.  So her plan (that had been tried before and failed) was to go all out immediately.  You know that crash diet plan: no food, work out three time a day etc.  However, the only way to lose weight in a healthy way and keep it off is to change your life not your week.  One has to chisel away at the unwanted pounds little by little.  But the woman wanted immediate gratification and gave little value to the realistic pound or two a week that a real plan would give her.  Then Dr. Henry Cloud, author of  Nine Things You Simply Must Do said "No successful person ever lost 30lbs without first losing one."  He urged her to begin to value a little at a time.  It made sense. 

The bottom line is things take time, especially any lasting change that we want to make in our lives.  The microwave method doesn't work.  We'll simply find ourselves back to square one and often with wasted time and energy, exhausted and frustrated, having taken shortcuts that led to detours and bringing us no closer to our goal.  So with that tidbit of wisdom in mind I'm taking my week one day at a time, one task at a time, one accomplishment at a time.  What about you?

Show Up

This week was tough for me.  Meaning I had tons of projects at work, mounds of homework and studying to do, prep for volunteering, make sure I hit the gym like I planned and spend time with a few friends.  I never seemed to get in bed at the time I wanted to and woke up tired almost everyday.  However, I showed up.  I noticed that I made a choice at every turn.  Where I could have gotten frustrated and annoyed (which I felt), I'd make another choice and show up fully engaged at each task.  Even when it was something I really didn't enjoy it was up to me to get it done and over with.  Dread has a way of sapping your energy.  Don't let it! 

I know that nothing was happening to me outside of normal life.  Life happens to us all.  Welcome to humanity.  I don't think it's what happens to us or the responsibilities we have that brings us to frustration more than our attitude towards it ( and a lack of planning and time management).  A few things I like to remind myself of is that: 1) This is what life consists of; routines, work and responsibilities, 2) I wont feel like this once I finish my tasks, and 3) Nothing changes unless I make it change.   So now that my thoughts are calm I can prioritize and mark things off my to-do list as they happen.  With a shift in my thinking, I feel accomplished, succesful, happy and view myself as a contributor to the world even from my little corner of the planet.  Now what I do plan to do is review my week so that I can go into next week a bit more prepared, learning from experiences but showing up nonetheless. 

RESTART

Sunday is my favorite day of the week.  Something about it says RESTART and I feel energized.  But I love any new day, a new week, a new school year, newly washed laundry, a clean page in my journal, the delete button, choosing to forgive or being forgiven, hitting the gym, opening a savings account...  Any thing that says let's start anew.  I try not to forget to be responsible for anything I need to tidy up about yesterday, but to take yesterday's old into my RESTART, no way!    I miss it sometimes and recall a mistake made or a bad decision that I regret.  But since I can't change yesterday I might as well be happy and positive about today.  I think life offers us so many opportunities to start again.  And life is way too short to give energy to dead horses.  So go ahead, and hit that RESTART button on your life.  You can decide to forgive someone, forgive yourself, set new financial goals, read a new book, start your new business, drink more water, or just BE HAPPY.  Whatever it is RESTART!!.

Suffocate

My heart is closed, protected by rules

Grasping for love, scared

I suffocate myself

I want to jump, fall and fly

But no breath, scared

I suffocate myself

Light peeks, I see it, Love, I long for it

I jump, I fall, I fly

Suffocate I

No more

I wrote this while feeling both the longings of love and the need to protect myself from it.  It truly felt like suffocation; to impede, stifle, smother, prevent flow.  If love is a living, moving breathing force then fear is its nemesis.  They both exist.  Fear won't kill you but it will surely make you feel like you're dying and that "suffocation" can open the door for  deaths of relationships, health, finances, change etc. 

Today I pray, hope, send energy and words in hopes that we all choose love.  A force that never stops.  Suffocate "we", No more.