Authentic YOU...Authentic Love...

Sometimes we love people by hiding pieces of ourselves in hopes that they will love or continue to love us as we become their perfect creation (an impossibility because perfect people don’t exist).  The focus becomes “keeping the peace” or “not setting him/her off” etc.  We don’t want to be rejected or cause a fight or make someone angry.  In actuality someone being angry is their responsibility not yours. More about that later.  When we fail to stand up for ourselves and let things ride that we are completely against, it starts a war inside.  Some outcomes of this internal conflict are shown as resentment, duty love verse heartfelt love, damaged self-esteem, pretending, walking on eggshells etc.  Not speaking the truth can reinforce an undesired behavior from a loved one who often doesn’t even know about your internal battle.  No one wins in this type of relating.  Sure, every little thing that happens doesn’t have to be an issue.  But to deny yourself the gift of authentic love to be given and received isn’t real love at all.  For love to BE, it has to be given freely from a free person. 

I have an aunt and uncle that just celebrated their 32nd anniversary.  When asked what they felt was the key to a long-lasting marriage they both responded: RESPECT.  They give each other the freedom to be themselves.  I believe this is vital to any relationship.  What scares us is when a person’s freedom infringes on your values and you have to make a decision to either be honest and freely express your concerns realizing that this might cause conflict in the relationship, or act is if you don’t care all the while living with resentment.

Authentic love is when both people are free to be themselves and be accepted by their partner.  This love begins first by loving and accepting one’s self.  You have to know that you are worth fighting for and no one can fight your cause better than you.  When I say you are worth fighting for what I mean is that you are worth supporting, loving, having effective communication, being valued, being cared for, respected and the like.  When you treat yourself with value others will do the same or they will have to move on. Uh oh! Yes, it’s a risk.  But the ultimate goal is authentic love right?

On the flip side, understand that free love does GIVE.  So when loving it’s ok to compromise, work together and make sacrifices for your beloved.  Again, free people give freely.  It’s safer and lasting to be loved for who you really are than to be loved for who you pretend to be.  Be you and be loved.