Merriam-Webster's Dictionary gives one definition of integrity as the quality or state of being complete or undivided. When a person is living “complete or undivided” there’s a solidarity that exists between character and self, living harmoniously. I would say that person is fully self-integrated; woven together in such a way that they can be seamlessly counted on by themselves and others, honoring their personal values and living as one solid heart. On the other hand a person that lacks integrity or self-integration battles conflicting desires to the point where the lesser or the greater desires start to blur. They think, “...with no deliberation or discrimination between more or less worthwhile desires, then one clearly acts without integrity.” (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy)
leaving religious dogma behind that used fear to try to create character and morality. Self-integration “implies moral soundness, purity and virtue of character as exemplified in sincerity, consistency, accountability and honesty.” (Robert Priddy) It doesn’t happen through fear tactics or robotic adherence to rules imposed from the outside. Character is a matter of personal choice. Self-integration happens through the acceptance of self and natural human needs. To me its spiritual in nature as it bridges the gaps between my needs, deepest values and character.
The Problem: I recently made a choice that went against my values, causing pain
to a dear friend and marring my own character. Trust was broken because I chose to be withhold information. Sometimes people are don't say it all out of sheer malice but sometimes people are don't say it all in hopes to preserve love. I was hoping to preserve a relationship and it backfired because not being forthcoming gives an illusion that all is well until the truth reveals itself. Usually I live my life so that I don’t have to admit to anything that I would be ashamed of or I just choose to own what I do and not care what others think. But my recent choice expressed neither of these and caused such cognitive dissonance that it’s crippling.
to a dear friend and marring my own character. Trust was broken because I chose to be withhold information. Sometimes people are don't say it all out of sheer malice but sometimes people are don't say it all in hopes to preserve love. I was hoping to preserve a relationship and it backfired because not being forthcoming gives an illusion that all is well until the truth reveals itself. Usually I live my life so that I don’t have to admit to anything that I would be ashamed of or I just choose to own what I do and not care what others think. But my recent choice expressed neither of these and caused such cognitive dissonance that it’s crippling.
“Dissonance is often strong when we believe something about ourselves and then do something against that belief. If I believe I am good but do something bad, then the discomfort I feel as a result is cognitive dissonance.” (Changing Minds)
So I sit here, typing my thoughts and pondering theories on integrity, facing my own shortcomings and sharing it with you. In all honesty I was nervous about beginning a blog on personal choice power because I knew I would not be able to fully live up to the standard. And now I realize I don’t have to. My Choice is about the journey of growth to making quality choices, learning from mistakes and recovering.
Today’s journey has taught me to be courageous enough to be honest regardless of the circumstance. It’s better to be known and loved for who I am than for who I am not. Don’t you think?
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