Spreadsheets

Ever want to be somewhere else or doing something soooo bad that where you are now irritates the hell out of you???  Geesh!  I felt that life sucking feeling trying to creep up on me today.  I had a meeting that I was NOT looking forward to, didn't feel like analyzing another spreadsheet full of numbers and talking about it.  In my head I was thinking about my future full-time career; assisting clients, writing books, speaking, traveling, a family....  Tomorrow looked so much better than today's meeting. 

Then I thought about how much energy I was wasting dreading my responsibilities.  Dag-gone-it! I spent about 10 minutes of my precious life, irritated with my life.  Silly. Super counterproductive.  I mean "frustrating" is normal and human, but I'd rather move on.  So I did.  I prepped for my meeting, got everything as organized as possible and did what I had to do. It was sweatless.  Actually learned a lot too.  Plus I really like my current job, my coworkers and...yes...I love spreadsheets, queries and reporting! (Not to mention paying my bills, food in the fridge, a car, savings, giving, clothes, SHOES!) :)  Guess I was having a moment.

So today's reflection:  Do what you have to do now...embrace it.  It's just life.  Be thankful for NOW.  But keep planning, and prepping for those dreams, goals, hopes that are on the horizon.  Can't get there any other way but one day at a time anyway.  Uh oh, I think I just GREW!! Yippie!

live, love, teach, learn, give, grow, ENJOY!

Puerto Rico!!



La Mina Falls - Yunque Rain Forest - Puerto Rico



So in a matter of about 45 min I decided to take a trip to Puerto Rico.  It was sooo unlike me....wait.  It was like me in my fancy free 20s (wrote that off as youth), then religion and "lame-ness" entered and I became rigid and fearful (wrote that off as ignorance and foolishness), but now I'm a free bird purposed to live my life to the fullest!!  I'd talked about going to PR for about 3 months but could not get any of my friends to go.  Then two things happend...in this order: 1- met someone who said they travel the world; sometimes with friends, sometimes with strangers, sometimes alone but refuses to wait on anyone and encouraged me to do the same.  2- I received an invitation from a new friend to go to PR.  A risk because having the right travel partner is KEY!  Right?  But I stopped thinking and said YES!

Super glad I went.  It was beautiful. Saw a lot. Learned a lot. Thought a lot.  Listend a lot. Watched a lot. Realized a WHOLE lot.  Here are a few thoughts:

1. Stop waiting on someone else to do what you want to do or need to do.

2. Being safe & frugal doesn't mean sitting at home wishing (learned that lesson a long time ago but it was reiterated)

3. Raw nature has to be some sort of heaven.  Amazing beauty.

4. Seeing the world is a plane ride away!! Go see it!! (not that PR was far or the only place I've ever been, but it gave me new momentum)

5. Say YES to ME!

6. I can enjoy myself regardless of who I'm with or where I am because I CHOOSE HAPPY!

7. Crying about what could have been is a waste time and energy, being stagnant waiting on tomorrow to make you happy is silly....but living RIGHT NOW, TODAY is REAL, DOABLE and AVAILABLE for the taking!!    

Just thought I'd share. 

live, love & grow

Uprooted

I spent quite a bit of time outside this weekend.  But was floored as soon as I walked through the gates of a park and was greeted by this beautiful scene...an uprooted tree.  Why beautiful?  Because it seemed to speak to me.  It spoke about me. I just stood there. Staring.  Thinking.  I wanted to sit in the grass and watch....until Honey (my dog) took a potty and I thought about all the other dogs that probably did the same.  Eeeeek!  So I stood. 

The tree was beautiful to me.  It reminded me of my own life over the past seven years.  Talk about uprooted.  Death, divorce, financial instability, religious upheaval, fear.  My heart was broken on so many levels. Everything that was foundational for me was questioned, examined, proved false or proved true, ended and died.  I felt completely uprooted and flat on my back.  Exposed to everyone, most of all me.  My life was no longer working as planned and I had lost control.  It was painful and scary but as I embraced change and discovery, beauty revealed itself.  It was NOT easy. And I didn't know where I'd end up. 

Hmmm, I wonder what will happen to this tree.  Will it be replanted?  Or used for mulch?   I'll keep an eye on it for sure!  But either way, this magnificent work of art will not go to waste.  And that's the approach I took about my own life.  Different than what I imagined and even prayed for, but a wonderful life all the same.  Eventually things turned around for me.  An ever evolving spiritual journey, contentment, adventure, stability, courage, humility and love all entered in a new way.  I think being uprooted and challenged to grow, think, question, learn and change was the best gift for me.  I've learned to flow and adjust, make my own choices and respect the choices of others, own my yes and no, forgive and let go, be ME regardless, be less judgemental of myself and others, pursue what I want for my life not what others want for me and be perfectly ok with my mistakes and my good.  Happy girl I am.  Not because my life is perfect, because it's not, but because I've realized it doesn't have to be.  I don't know everything nor do I have to.  I do what I can, remain positive and hopeful, embrace each day with  a YES.  I see mishaps, loss and failures as a natural part of life, not some punishment for sin or disobedience (as I was told).  None of us are immune to life and it's challenges regardless of your age, race, sex, religion, class etc.  Sometimes we just need to learn some stuff, grow up and get a backbone.  It's just life.  And this is my life, my story, my adventure and I'm the only one that has to be happy with it.  I own it.  I embrace it.  I love it!!

Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin

Here's a little treasure I stumbled across while doing some research on "femininity".  This book supposedly consists of tidbits from women of the 20s as well as it's author Helen Andelin who wrote it in the 50s.  It's very OLD SCHOOL but priceless.  I must admit that there are parts that made me cringe but at the same time, because I believe at the core of our humanity men are men and women are women, our basic relational desires don't change. 

The author expounds on the beauty and feminine power that women possess and how much men admire, need and cling to it.  

WARNING: Extreme feminists might find it offensive but hey, chew the meat and spit out the bone.  I'm sure there's something in it every woman can use.

Mini Vacay!

A few of my girlfriends and I went away for a long weekend to Destin, FL.  The weather was PERFECT! It wasn't that smoldering summer heat, nor the freezing beach breeze (until evening of course).  We laughed, danced, ate, sipped and slept! It was a great trip and an amazing way to say good-bye (for now) as one of our friends moves away this coming week. 

I left that weekend thankful for great friends, new and old, that have enriched my life in so many ways.  I'm grateful for the different perspectives, experiences, gifts and love that they each bring to my life.  I asked Love to help me maintain and expand an open mind and an accepting heart toward others because it continually fills me with compassion and empathy, and to be as much of a gift to my friends as they are to me.  Choosing to say YES to life, love, adventure and my personal truths rewards me immeasurably.  

There were many "lessons" revealed over the weekend but one message that stuck with me after chatting about our life experiences thus far is "I realize that I don't know anything...and I'm ok with that".

Cheers to LIFE and LIVING IT!!

Tofu Scramble-licious!

I LOVE tofu scramble, especially as a breakfast dish.  I accidentally came across a really simple recipe today and decided to make it for dinner.  I didn't have the yeast, lime and thyme.  But I did add zucchini, red and yellow peppers and fresh spinach at the end.  And although it was dinner, I made grits to eat with it. Yummy-yum!!

Check out the original recipe here: Tofu Scramble

It's Not Working

If people hear me say anything over and over again it’s “do something different”. Why? Because when we want something different but keep doing the same thing we’re use to doing, producing the same outcome, isn’t it obvious that we need to do something different? Mm, probably not so obvious. It’s hard to admit we are the cause of our own unhappiness or lack of success but much easier to blame someone or something else. The problem is we are the common denominator in a trail of broken relationships, health issues, financial woes and the like. Might as well face it, own it and confess “ok, I’m the problem here”.

Mistakes are normal, we’re human, and they come with the territory. It’s when we make the same mistakes over and over and over that gives us grief. To change we must be honest and insightful about who we are, what we are choosing to do and why. Yep, we choose it so that means we can choose something else, opening ourselves up to learning new skills, equipped with new tools and able to choose from new options.

I hate to see people give up on good and happiness in their lives as if it’s not for them. They settle into some existence of “this is the best I’ll ever have”. Often they’ve missed the possibility of happiness eluding them because they’ve maintained the same philosophies and behaviors that create dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Then they complain about how awful life is.

There are some things that I don’t get to cry about (sounds pretty harsh huh?). Mainly when I know I’m back into an old habit of behaving and choosing. Sure, it hurts when I get the old unwanted outcomes but I save my tears and complaints because I already knew what I was doing. On the other hand, I freely shed tears, grunt and sigh as I change. Change is hard and often very uncomfortable. But those tears are worth it!!

I can’t tell anyone exactly what needs to change, it’s a self work. But here’s a simple, to the point thought to help get you thinking:

“…believe in what works. What you are doing now is not working. Why not try something else?” – Dr Gordon Livingston

Hurry Up, I Don’t Have Time….for LIFE

“Only bad things happen quickly.”

I read that this morning in a treasure of a book titled Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Dr. Gordon Livingston. The quote rang true with me. When I look at the wonderful things in my life I can see the step by step process it took to get to those goods. Seeing and feeling the benefits of working out & healthy eating, the process of forgiving, building great relationships, saving money, gaining useful education, learning to trust myself and others, getting a new job, growing my hair out, growing strong healthy nails after wearing acrylic nails, house training my dog, changing bad habits and thinking; the list goes on and on and on. Each of these goods took patience, determination, fortitude, discipline, effort, a daily and often a minute by minute choice to stay on track.

However the unwanted things I’ve experienced in my life or the “bad” took only a moment like a misspoken word that led to hurting a friend, getting into frivolous debt (for shoes, a handbag, a trip, dinner with friends), breaking trust by making a bad decision, losing a job, death of a loved one, hitting the snooze button on my alarm clock setting my entire day back by 30 minutes. Short of a miracle, “only bad things happen quickly” but good and lasting things take time.

“It is obvious that any process directed at changing…our well-established patterns of thinking and behaving is going to be an extended one and will involve efforts at gaining insight, reevaluating habits, and trying new approaches.” – Dr. Livingston

More often than not we don’t see when our behaviors aren’t serving us well and even when we do, changing those behaviors is less than instant even when we really, really, really try. To require instant change of ourselves and others is to “discount the well-established power of habit and the slowness with which we translate new knowledge into behavior” says Dr. Livingston. Do you think life would be a more enjoyable journey if we accept this reality instead of fighting against the natural progression of things? I do.

Sometimes we look at others who are happy and successful and have some aspect of good that we want for ourselves and fail to see the effort it took for them to get there. We call them "lucky".  I don’t know any superhuman individuals so I’m willing to bet they put in the time and effort required to create change and success just as well.

Accept that desired change and growth requires we enter the slow cooker and not the microwave rush we often wish for. Knowing what we want, being honest with ourselves and others about where we are, recognizing the tools we have or don’t have needed to get to the new “us”, gaining education, practicing, making mistakes and trying again is all part of the process. So give yourself a break.....relax and simmer.

Coming Out

What’s on my mind today? Coming out of the closet. I know so many people who are living in the closet in some way; sexual orientation, religious affiliation or the lack thereof, financial integrity, eating habits, relationship status, pretending to be “ok”, ya know, life choices in general. We hide. We pretend. Why?

The most loving experience I’ve ever had is being accepted for I am.   Being able to share without the fear of rejection (spoken and silent rejection) and being loved and liked all the same. When my loved ones seek to understand and not convert. It’s a lot to ask and hope for but call me crazy, I choose to hope. Here’s the clincher, in my quest for this acceptance of and for myself and who I really am, my heart has expanded with room for others and their hidden lives.  To be known and to know others. 

Understanding what it feels like to hide makes me a more empathetic, compassionate and accepting person.  I look for ways to see the good in people. Understand their plight. I put myself in their shoes. I'm not talking about secret murders here, just life choices.  I try to see and feel from where others stand. Doesn’t mean I always agree but I can be kind, accepting and understanding.  Especially when I remember being a rigid, judgmental, critical, elitist, dogmatic, religious fanatic that thought "my group" had the key to life. It was pretty pompous actually. Not to mention the enormous amount of hypocrisy that existed within “my group”. I truly had no room to judge anyone, then or now.  I don't know anyone who owns the patent on  truth.

There’s something very humbling about accepting yourself and not hiding or playing the part and then extending that acceptance to others. Life changing. Not sure what you may be “in the closet” about but “…when you feel like you don’t have to hide anymore, life just seems to open up a bit.” You are blessed with “an opportunity to be completely honest.” (http://theagnosticpentecostal.com/)

Real Hope vs. False Hope

I’ve been sitting on this thought for some time now, but here we go: What is hope? What is false hope? Let’s start with a few definitions from Dictionary.com:

Hope: 

the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; a particular instance of this feeling ; grounds for this feeling in a particular instance; a person or thing in which expectations are centered; to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

Speaking from my personal experiences with hope I use to think it came from an outside force. I read and clung to as truth; bible verses, and lived my life based on those words regardless of what my reality was. I was taught from an early age and even into adulthood that this was how hope worked. I confess, that way of living has cost me a lot of time, money, stress and heartbreak and I would do it over and over and over again, still hoping. (Quite silly actually.  Isn't that called insanity? Eeek!)  What I’ve since learned, after realizing what didn't work, is that my hope must be based on something tangible. No matter how much I desire something I must have, as the dictionary defines hope, “grounds for this feeling” or “to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence”. Otherwise it’s false, for me anyway. Here are a few examples of how I see false hope in contrast to real hope:

At the end of the day we all “hope” for good in our lives.  I believe it’s a great feeling to carry in one’s soul. Hope gives us that little nudge saying that it will be ok, don’t give up. Feelings of “hope can give you peace of mind, relieve stress, and provide you the positive outlook and motivation that can lead to helpful actions”. (1) Even when things look bleak and unchanging, we can base our hope in the fact that things have changed before and they can change again. Now all we have to do is TAKE ACTION.

“Maintain hope when there is some possibility of a good outcome. Take constructive and responsible action to improve your chances. Do not abdicate your responsibility for caution, skepticism, and action by submitting to unfounded optimism. Hope is helpful when it results in positive action, it is unhelpful if it inhibits action.”(1)

“Hope is tested when what if meets what is. Accurate assessment, sound judgment, constructive action, and personal responsibility mark the difference between real hope and false hope.”(1)

I saw myself get hung up on hoping for specific situations to work out the way I wanted, or people to change into what I hoped they could be or even what I could be. What a realistic view of hope has given me is the ability to hope BIGGER but realistically. Meaning, MY LIFE is ok even if this situation isn’t. MY LIFE is not over because this relationship or job is.  MY LIFE is amazing because I accept who I am and who people are instead of spinning my wheels trying to control everything.   

“Real hope combines a hopeful outlook with a firm grip on reality.” (1)

I don’t believe in magic. I do believe in miracles and welcome them into my life; however, I’d rather never need one. Especially when I’ve already been given life, mobility, a brain, education, family, friends, work, real hope, faith and a multitude of other resources to help me learn from my mistakes and make better choices in the future.

______________

Quotes

(1) Emotional Competency - Leland R. Beaumont