The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It by Debbie Ford

Love love love this book!! 

Simple. To the point. Challenging. 

What got me to even thumb through the book was the "Plan It" part of the title.  Sure I have dreams that I would love to live, don't we all?  So make it happen...have a plan not just some jack-and-the-beanstalk hope based on fantasy.  A great life takes WORK (beginning within ourselves) to see it happen. 

Debbie Ford walks you through realizing your hearts intent, exposing fantasies so that you can actually live in REALITY.  I promise it's worth the penny (in my opinion). 

Still not convinced? Here's a great interview you can check out before buying the book. 

"In any given moment you’re guided by one of two maps — a vision map, which is a deliberate plan for your future, or a default map,which is made up of your past." - Debbie Ford 

Learn. Grow. Live.

"Lebenschancen" - Life Chances

I had lunch with one of my girlfriends yesterday and she was updating me on her family happenings.  She and her hubby have recently made the decision to send their son to a private school to ensure his education was the best for his individual learning and assist him in getting over a few humps learning in his primary years.  The tuition will cost them a pretty penny too, so they are making changes to their spending to fit it in.  I sat there listening and thinking how much I admire her and her hub for the phenomenal job of parenting they do.  I thought about the gift they were giving their child as they make sacrifices to ensure that he is equipped with the necessary tools for success in his education.  Giving their son a chance at a thriving learning experience.

Lebenschancen, German for life chances, a concept introduced by German sociologist Max Weber to looks at the opportunities individuals have to improve their quality of life. 

“The opportunities mean the extent to which one has access to resources, both tangible ones such as food, clothing and shelter, and intangible ones such as education and health care. Quality of life comprises the individual's ability to procure goods, have a career and obtain inner satisfaction; in other words, the ability to satisfy one's needs.” (Wikipedia)

These “resources” are related to the socialization-inherited norms, customs and ideologies we value pursue, relate to, understand people, places and things as a result of what we have been socialized to hold as priority.  I wasn’t raised with education as an important factor.  It was more important to be prepared for God’s wrath and Jesus’ return so more weight was on faith, spreading the gospel, giving to others, etc.  It wasn’t until I chose what I wanted to be important to me (by way of new socialization – new surroundings, opportunities, mentors, experience, and personal needs) that education, among other things, became a priority.

I don’t have any children, so I will not pretend to think I know what it's like.  But what I do have are my memories of childhood to reflect on.  I have always imagined that if I did have kids I would hope to prepare them for life in the best way I know how, as do most parents.  I have felt that I’m not ready to raise kids and opted not to have any yet.  (I know...you’re never ready right?)  I assume there are sacrifices and lifestyle changes that must be made with the child in mind until they are adults and on their own.  Life chances.  I love this term, a chance to have a LIFE.  Are we giving children the optimum life chances?  Are we teaching the value of education, communication skills, resiliency, decision-making, financial acumen, community activism or better yet to be their best SELF and not our clones?  Are we teaching them to be self efficient thinkers that can make great choices for their lives? Or are we demanding that they be who we want them to be?  Are we just surviving teaching our kids to survive but not thrive?  Is that what we were taught?  Is that the extent to what socialization has taught us? 

Even as adults, who are free to make our own decisions, are we evaluating our values through the eyes of adulthood or just robotically living out what we were taught? I know adult kids, including myself, who at times struggle with making adult decisions in fear of what parents and extended family, friends etc will think.  We don’t want to hurt our loved ones but are we simultaneously hurting ourselves when we hide and smother our personal values and desires? I would never even imagine trading what I learned from my family about being a person of hope, giving, honesty, love and family but there are things that I’ve have decided are not as important to me as they were to my parents.  I have equally learned new things that are important to me that I never knew about before gaining my own life experiences.

As adults: Are we using our power to choose to increase our life chances? 

As adults reflecting on our childhood: Are we equipping children in our care with the best we have to offer and allowing them to use their power to choose to be the best at what they want? 

As adults with adult children: Are we accepting our children as they make their own choices and explore opportunities for life chances?

Just a few thoughts...

I Adore: BETHENNY FRANKEL

If you follow Bravo's Housewives franchise you've probably seen the Real Housewives of New York City and met Bethenny Frankel.  Although not a wife at the time, she was my favorite cast member on the show.  A single girl, trying to build her business, find love and befriend the wives.  She was hilarious, honest, to the point, fabulous, edgy, smart and came with a buncha baggage, and that's what won me over.  Although she was quite high strung and neurotic, she seemed like a real person.  Obviously she won others too, including Jason Hoppy (her boo), because she got her own show called Bethany Getting Married.  It followed her while she planned a wedding, honeymooned, all while pregnant.  But it didn't stop there. She got another show, Bethenny Ever After, and it's still going strong.  It gives a super invasive look into her life; marriage, motherhood, business and healing her past wounds.  She's ridiculously honest and I admire that about her.  My friend and I went to see her when she came to Atlanta on tour. For what?  Well, she's also authored books, is a healthy food chef, has a Skinnygirl Margarita and brand that has much more on the way.   She sat on stage and talked for a little more than an hour and wrapped it up with Q&A.  It was a great event.  She was inspiring, funny and beautiful.  She talked about her struggles with her family, diet, the Housewives and shared how she deals with and overcomes all of it.   

Why I dig her?

(As if what I've said already isn't enough.) She was the underdog on the show.  The outsider to this group of NY women with their husbands, children and "success".  But not anymore.  She sold Skinnygirl Margarita to a major liquor distributor, who initially ignored her when she first started with the idea, for an insane $100 million!! Talk about  TAKE DAT!!  I dig her because she didn't quit and she kept believing in herself.  Love showed up (in a wonderful man, a babygirl and extended family), and wealth showed up by her digging in and focusing on what she believed in;  an idea.  She made choices on her own terms....and life opened up.  She's a testament to what hard work and perseverance can bring.  Way to go Bethenny!!

Check out a recent article about her at Forbes.com. 

Race For The Cure

Today, May 7, 2011, I participated in the 2011 Komen Atlanta Race for the Cure.  It was my first time in any cancer related event since my sister passed.  I think, no I'm pretty sure I had been avoiding it.  As I drove up to park I felt nervous and little nauseous.  I got my number, and wrote my sister's name on the pink flyer to pin it on my back.  As I ran I thought of her and others that have fought and lost or fought and won the fight with breast cancer.  

It was an emotional run (and walk).  I read the names of others pinned to my fellow racers backs, and watched a few women who had lost their hair to chemo but were there with smiles on their faces.  Part of me felt angry because my sister didn't make it.  She lost her fight.  But then I'd feel happy for those still here.  I was torn.  But during the last few minutes tears filled my eyes and I was reminded that I don't have to hold up the world with my good deeds and prayers nor can I destroy it with mistakes.  Life happens to us all and we have to deal with what comes our way.  I chose to enjoy the moment, celebrating with others and remembering my sissie and the time I had with her.  It was a great morning....faced a fear....and overcame.  

Camping

So I've diligently been chopping away at my "things to do before I die"....or before I have kids or before I get married lists.  It sorta depends on the item as to which list it belongs to.  Anyway, camping was on my list.  Was because I finally went a couple of weeks ago.  I didn't participate in Brownies or Girl Scouts when I was a kid so camping wasn't even on my radar.  But as an adult I've grown to love the outdoors....it's BEAUTIFUL!  

So as a requirement for school I had to take a activity PE course and I chose PHED 1087 - Survival Skills.....which included camping!  I was super excited about my brief stay at Raven Cliffs in Cleveland, GA.  Along with the camping we hiked to the falls and I loved every bit of it.  I made new friends and learned a whole bunch!  FUN FUN FUN!

Enjoying life....making the most of every opportunity!

My Girls!

Just wrapped up another 9-week session for Girls Inc.  This time I worked with a group of 5th graders that participated last year for a different program.  I'm in love with them!! It was so cool to come back and see their growth.  They remembered a lot of what we discussed last year and it made this segment much easier to facilitate.  They are sponges, soaking it all up!

Sometimes I think I learn more from them than they did from me.  Kids are the greatest teachers!! 

But here are a few tidbits I wanted to share with parents/guardians (most of which you already know...I hope):

• They know more (or are at least curious) about more than you think.
• They talk to non-parents about stuff they think they're parents will disapprove of.
• Boys, sex, periods, bras, homosexuality are top subjects of interest.
• Your adult issues causes them great stress, yes "STRESS" is the word they used (parents fighting, jail, financial struggles, moving, divorce, death, more kids added to the family etc)

I urge parents/guardians to talk openly about these subjects.  Begin as early as possible because kids are TALKING and CURIOUS! (Not that they are actually doing anything.) Take away the taboo and fear. Equip them as needed so that the real world isn't such a shock to them.  Regardless of how much we hope to protect them they WILL encounter these subjects.  Better that they are EMPOWERED!

Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Looking for information on gaining control in your life without trying to control others??  Here's a great resource!!

I must say this first: It's no secret that I was a religious fanatic for a myriad of reasons of which I plan to write more about  in detail pretty soon.  That extreme belief system led me down a path of rigidity, control, rules and coldness.  I was so focused on the supposed godly "rights" and "wrongs" that I often missed out on fun, intimacy, connection and simple love.  I've since left that world behind.

But as I first began to come out of that mindset I started to read everything I could get my hands on,beginning with Christian authors I could identify with. Boundaries was one of those books that I studied, not just read.  It's dog-eared, highlighted and inked like nobody's business.  It felt like a kind friend was teaching me how to maintain my personal values while learning to love others who thought differently.  It put an end to me trying to convert and change everybody.  What I truly valued became much simpler (less rules).  I became a more authentic person, with  the ability to love others in their authenticity. 

SIDE NOTE: Although the authors are both clinical psychologists, they do use biblical references.  For that reason I highly recommend it for those that are caught between what they feel "God says" and the obvious, undeniable, can no longer ignore or pray away, BLARING failures they see in their lives and relationships.  Those that are secretly asking the forbidden question, "I'm doing the Word, God, why isn't it working?"  This book really helps bridge the gaps.

Kashi: Lean Machine Crunch Factor

Love this stuff!

Kashi Go Lean Original has been my breakfast/snack choice lately.  Dry, no milk.  It serves two purposes:

1. It's LEAN and packed with goodies, especially PROTEIN (13g) which I'm always looking for.

2. It satisfies my need for CRUNCH!  Instead of popcorn, my other snack favorite, and the evil POTATO CHIP, I pull out a zip baggie to munch on.

YUM!

Uprooted: Part 2

Remember my friend, the Tree, from my Uprooted post?  Here's what's left as of yesterday. 

That sweet baby has been chopped away.  I called the park and inquired about its "top" parts.  The woman on the phone probably thought I was a tree hugger (mmm, maybe I am in some ways...GO EARTH!) and responded with kindness and patience.  She was unsure about the exact "afterlife" of my friend but said it was probably used for mulch in the park.  She added that due to the recent storms the park had lost several trees.

Hmmm.  I'm not sure what else to say.  I just feel a connection to this tree and the lesson it gave me.  It had been at the entrance to the park that I've used over the past couple of years and now it's gone.  Change is good, neccessary and vital for new things to happen.  But letting go is hard.  

Now I'm looking out the window and watching other trees, appreciating the gifts they are.  Choosing in this moment to celebrate and appreciate life while I have it; people, animals, relationships, nature, experiences, a deep breath...anything that represents "life" to me. 

I etch in my heart and mind life's beauty, touch, scent, sound and presence... Selah.

Spreadsheets

Ever want to be somewhere else or doing something soooo bad that where you are now irritates the hell out of you???  Geesh!  I felt that life sucking feeling trying to creep up on me today.  I had a meeting that I was NOT looking forward to, didn't feel like analyzing another spreadsheet full of numbers and talking about it.  In my head I was thinking about my future full-time career; assisting clients, writing books, speaking, traveling, a family....  Tomorrow looked so much better than today's meeting. 

Then I thought about how much energy I was wasting dreading my responsibilities.  Dag-gone-it! I spent about 10 minutes of my precious life, irritated with my life.  Silly. Super counterproductive.  I mean "frustrating" is normal and human, but I'd rather move on.  So I did.  I prepped for my meeting, got everything as organized as possible and did what I had to do. It was sweatless.  Actually learned a lot too.  Plus I really like my current job, my coworkers and...yes...I love spreadsheets, queries and reporting! (Not to mention paying my bills, food in the fridge, a car, savings, giving, clothes, SHOES!) :)  Guess I was having a moment.

So today's reflection:  Do what you have to do now...embrace it.  It's just life.  Be thankful for NOW.  But keep planning, and prepping for those dreams, goals, hopes that are on the horizon.  Can't get there any other way but one day at a time anyway.  Uh oh, I think I just GREW!! Yippie!

live, love, teach, learn, give, grow, ENJOY!