Who Started It? Who Ends It?

Pic from seriouslywhyallthedrama.blogspot.com

Honey and I enjoyed a beautiful walk at the park the other day with one of my girlfriends.  We did our typical catch up chitchat and like usual we ended up discussing change and growth in our lives.  I was throwing around thoughts about being treated well by the people in my life and treating those beautiful people just as well (to the best of my ability); a stark contrast from some of the bad relationships of my past.  She chimed in on her experiences too.  We went back and forth about the consistent treatment we receive from various people, the good and the bad. Then we pondered, "Why do people treat us the same way repeatedly? Do we cosign and reinforce the behavior even when we don’t want it?”  A Pastor I know use to say something like "You get two chances with me: 1) to make a mistake or bad decision regarding how you treat me and 2) do it again and that's the last chance you get.”

So what happens when we find ourselves in a sick cycle of drama complete with futile arguments, disrespectful communication, ugly cry tears, headaches and depression?  Who started it? Better yet how do we stop it?

Well, my friend I concluded that it’s up to us to take a long hard look at our actions. Decide what we really want for our lives and make choices to create the desired good.  We have to set boundaries and limits on how we treat others and the treatment we allow from others toward us.  If it’s good and wanted then we reciprocate, show gratitude, and love.  But if we don’t want it then say so, cut it off early on (or right now even if it’s been going on for years), white knuckle it and stick to your guns.  Not sure who coined the phrase “you teach people how to treat you” but I agree 100%.  But before we can teach anyone else, we have to teach ourselves to be good to SELF.  Once you get use to peace, love, support, respect, laughter, kindness, and goal oriented compromise, the foolish masochistic routines look less and less desirable.  Regardless of the nagging memoires of “sometimes we had fun” or the blindly faithful “maybe things can be different if I <insert whatever actions you’ll have to continue to keep mean people happy and satisfied>”. Remember my post about choosing what to feel?  This is where you have to focus on what you want more than the feelings that often make us weak and fall back into the drama.

Wait…I’m not saying people can’t change.  I am a believer in change.  But I do believe people have to want it for themselves.  And I believe that people can only change themselves.  No magic tricks. No spells and potions.  Just good old fashioned resolve to have a GOOD life!