Am I Worthy of Decisions That Protect Me?

I was listening to a woman talk about a series of events that led to her making some defining choices about her life.  She's learning to trust herself and has been doing a great job at it.  But she made a decision recently that someone in her quality world might not like. (Choice Therapy defines "quality world" as a place of importance in your life or heart.) She was now questioning her decision and said, "I felt bad about making a decision to protect myself."  Immediately after she said that she chuckled.  I didn't ask why she chuckled after making such a powerful statement but I imagined she realized what she had said.  I asked her to repeat it.  We both wowed about it.

Because I've heard this mode of thinking before from many women (myself included) I wondered why women have the tendency to question our worth.  I'm going to ask men about it over the next couple of days to compare thoughts.  But women seem to have such a hard time with taking care of self and others at the same time.  Does one have to suffer for the other to survive?  Do you give away your lives to husbands, children, work, friends to wake up one day and wonder what happened to "ME"?  Forgetting to laugh, travel, plan, spend time with friends, furthering education, save money, working out, rest just because you want to? That ought not be.  I heard a woman admit to giving away her life to raising her children.  And now that the children are grown and building their own lives she's looking around like what now? I don’t have children so I won't pretend to understand a mother's position.  But I will share what I've heard one self-caring mother say,

"I'm raising my children to be productive adults in our world. I love them, nurture them, play with them, laugh etc., but I will not stop living just because I have children.  My husband and I will date and travel and enjoy our life along the way so that when our children grow up and leave we will still know each other.  I will stay connected to my friends and what's important to me as an individual." 

I'll let that statement speak for itself.

But what I can comment on from experience is being married and giving away parts of myself that should have been reserved for me, only to find myself in a state of hardened resentment.  After getting a divorce I noticed I was unfamiliar with "me" and faced with unsettling difficulties in my decision-making skills when it came to taking care of myself.  While I 100% support giving, compromise and healthy interdependence in a relationship I think it's equally important to give to oneself and stay abreast of what's going on in your life.  Besides, how can you love, take care of and support others without first loving, taking care of and supporting yourself?

I think we do ourselves and our families a disservice when we ignore our personal needs in an effort to take care of them.  I believe we can and must do both in order to love well and be a solid partner in our relationships be it marriage, as parents, co-workers etc.  So take self-inventory and clear away any cobwebs that have been created in areas gone un-nurtured in you by you.  Be it healthy diet and exercise plans, rekindled friendships, volunteer work that you value, maintaining financial acumen, expanding your education, exploring new hobbies, maintaining emotional and mental health, traveling the world or a regularly scheduled day at the spa, make a decision to take care of the whole you so that you have something to willingly give to those you love.