The Magical You by Mastin Kipp

The paradox

of Bliss

is This…

Give up what feels good

for what IS great

The sacrifice is well worth it

Surrender yourself

to the pulse of Love

and let Love guide you

towards purification

Where the imagined YOU

and the real YOU

become one

Love is expressing itself

Through you, every day in every way

If you could see the magic

That is unseen

You would never doubt Love again

But your journey is to find the blocks

and remove them

It is because you do not believe

That you do not see Love guiding you

Surrender to the pulse of Love

Give up what you think is good

for something magical

Let go of what you are

and become, at once

The magical you

©2010 Mastin Kipp via http://www.thedailylove.com/

....no explanation needed... MC

The Ambiguity of Choice

Why does it seem so hard for me to work out in the winter months?? Hmmm...Perhaps its the warmth of my bed tempting me in the mornings and the sun having set when I get off work in the evenings saying "time for bed again". Both situations nag at my decision to maintain a weekly exercise routine. But I know the benefits of exercise far outweigh the pleasures of sleeping in. So I choose to make it happen anyway.

When making choices we tend to look for the painless route or at minimum the “least” painful route. Have you ever made a decision, experienced discomfort then go back to the drawing board looking for a painless option? Choice requires courage, discipline and patience in order for your desired results to manifest. Seeing your dreams realized brings personal satisfaction, achievement and awareness of your personal power. But choices do not lack pain and/or loss. They are indeed ambiguous and we're rarely 100% sure of how everything will turn out.

I can usually find a minimum of two options when making a choice. And both bring me pleasure and both bring pain. Here’s how my decision to go to the gym  or sleep in on cold days looks on my pain vs. pleasure scale:

GOAL: Maintain a Lifestyle of Regular Exercise

Simple reasoning but it’s what I need to recall to memory when I’m feeling like slacking off.  But it’s the same theory with anything. A teen experiencing peer pressure from the "cool kids" to use drugs, planning to move to a new city, state or country, starting a new career, cooking dinner, dealing with a difficult relationship etc. Anytime there’s a decision to make we have options that bring both pleasure and pain (relatively speaking course). With each choice there's an "unknown" that exist and there's nothing we can do about it. Our ultimate goal serves as our blueprint so that each decision builds our dream, one choice at a time. Couple things to keep in mind:

• Feelings are real and they tells us we are alive but if they become our motivation for decisions then we might find ourselves going back and forth trying to avoid pain but no closer to our goal. 

• We are  never 100% sure of how things will turn out but we can use the information we have, keep the goal in mind and make the best possible decision we can at the moment.

"...a man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences, whatever they may be." -W. H. Auden

8-Pack of Crayons

Do you remember your first day of school? Your mom sent you on your way with a cardboard school supply box stashed with a 12” wooden ruler, a bottle of Elmer’s Glue (white), plastic grip scissors, two fat #2 pencils and a 8-pack of Crayola crayons just like the school list suggested just to get to class, sit down and look to your left and see your classmate has the massive 96-pack of crayons with tiered rows of like colors and a built-in sharpener! You turn and face forward and try with everything in you not to reveal your minuscule pack of primary colors. You think "There’s no way my refrigerator door art will be as colorful as hers".  Ok, maybe it was just me. 

Choices are made from your options and your options are as limited or as vast as your creativity. When you think “There’s nothing I can do. This is all I have.” Often what you may be revealing is “This is all I know.”

Choice Theory says that all humans have five basic needs: love & belonging, power, freedom, safety & survival and fun. Our choices are motivated by our attempts to get these needs met even though the level of value of each need may vary from person to person. And that’s perfectly ok. However, problems may occur when you only see one way to get your needs met i.e., a specific person, or job, or event. Although these needs must be met, it would make this life journey a bit more pleasant if you become creative about your options. Here’s an example of the needs, limited options and creativity:

I’m not implying that loving Ted is wrong or that wanting to be with Rebecca is a bad, but if Ted doesn’t love you or Rebecca doesn’t want to be with you then you might want to find new ways to meet your love & belonging needs. Perhaps they do love you and want to be with you but you are sucking the life out of them because you see them as your only source for love & belonging. Love & belonging is not limited to romantic relationships. Human beings need connection with other human beings so to limit the possibility of love & belonging existing only within a romantic relationship with “Ted” or “Rebecca” when we live on a planet of 7,061,963,388 people (as of November 18, 2010 at 9:07am….and counting), you might want to open up to creativity.

It’s ok to want a new job or a promotion at a particular company that you’ve given years of time and energy to, but if that isn’t happening for you then try applying at different companies, positions, or a new career path.  To base your success-o-meter  on what happens at company XYZ, Inc. is limiting and you might want to open up to creativity. (I just met a 68-year-old woman who has changed careers at least four times and is still thriving and enjoying life and learning.)

I understand in a very personal way the battle against family history illnesses so I’m not in any way belittling those fears. But what I am saying is to focus on sickness and giving up on change (although it is your choice to do so) won’t meet your survival & security need. Diet and exercise, mental and emotional stability and fostering hope can add a chance of a healthier, longer life and a perspective of not only surviving but LIVING. (As a friend told me last night “...life is for the living...”) FACT #1: We will all die. FACT #2: We can choose how to live.

Get where I’m going with this? Alabama is beautiful; I was born and raised there. But there’s a huge PLANET called Earth that has even more to experience. And while fun is relative (so party on!) if your relationships (or your wallet) is suffering because of continual partying and drinking but you can’t seem to imagine fun any other way then you might want to open up to creativity.

We must have our needs met but there’s no rule that says “how” we must meet them. We can choose to open our minds, rid them of the limitations and gain some new perspective. Become creative with your 8 pack of crayons; mixing colors, shading at times, pressing down hard at others. Besides there would be no color without the primary colors!! Go ahead….CREATE a GREAT LIFE!!!

Temper Tantrums!

Each of us has our own thoughts on how the world should be.  Even the most open-minded.  We have priorities, views, preferences, rules, rights and wrongs.  And that's normal.  We're human.  So what happens when someone we love doesn't want to play according to our rules?  Do we perceive them as mean and uncaring? Selfish and prideful?  Is that true?  Or are we the mean, uncaring, selfish and prideful of the two?

Enter the crying and screaming, ignoring and disregard. I think of these fits as adult temper tantrums.  Think about it.  The boyfriend won't apologize, or go to the party, or lose weight, or spend money (or stop spending money).  Or the girlfriend won't stop yelling and nagging, or lose weight, or stop spending money or (**insert your grievance here**).  Guess what?  They don't have to.  And neither do you.  I think (and this is my box) expectations will hijack your emotions every time.   You end up looking like the pouting kid who took the playground ball and went home.

Sometimes....most times its easier to let people be who they are.  And then decide from there what kind of relationship you want to have with them.  Truthfully you don't have to have a relationship at all.  Yes, you CAN decide not to be with someone.  Or, you can love them as is....make requests and still love them as is (because a request doesn't guarantee change)...or they just might make the adjustment!  All in all, free love and friendship is waaaaaay better than forced, coerced, manipulated, fear based, temper tantrum love.  If you get your way, then you gotta keep doing it to maintain it.  Who wants that?? YUCK!

Familiar vs The Unknown

Sometimes the hardest thing about change is the unfamiliar.  It can be scary and uncomfortable to make choices in our life that require us to change, spark change in others or changes our situation.  The familiar, even when it's bad for us or keeps us stagnant, can often provide a sense of comfort.  Family Counselor Cotina Houston, MS, LPC of Serenity Counseling says,

"If something is wrong or doesn't feel right to you, you should never find yourself getting "use to it". Example, "I'm used to him calling me out my name" or "I'm used to her not being appreciative of my hard work". We should never allow negative behavior to be our norm."

That's what we see happening when we find ourselves in bad relationships or dead-end jobs or with horrible eating habits.  We've become comfortable with the familiar so much so that the "bad" feels better than trying something new.  I believe the same is true for the positive things in our lives.  You'll often see successful business people looking for new ways to advertise the same product, a teacher may explore new techniques to teach or a mom may search for a new recipe for dinner.  It can be the same thing with a new twist.  It keeps us thriving as human beings to think and be creative.  

Truth is, everything changes and even if the "thing" or "situation" doesn't change, our perception of it can and often does.  Look at technology today.  You can be afraid of it and get left behind.  Job opportunities can become limited because of the fear of the unknown.  Whenever I feel apprehensive about embarking on something new I tell myself, "There are millions of people who already understand this (whatever "this" is), so all I have to do is learn more about it.  By this time next year I will understand this so I will push past these emotions and do it afraid."

Change is a part of life.  And it happens whether we choose it or not.  Good things become better or deteriorate, bad things get worse or get better.  We get older, gain weight (or lose weight), people die, relationships change or end, we understand a concept in one way and then we see it completely anew or different.  Not to mention the whole winter, spring, summer, fall thing.  The same but different, every year. Change is happening.  Instead of resisting change (which can cause a great deal of stress), try looking at life as an adventure, a journey on which you choose to be fully engaged.  Sure you may feel the tug at your heart, your mind and your comfort to stay the same, but at the same time you may feel a tug at your heart, your mind and your comfort to grow, learn, experience someone or something different and get out of the box of your own familiarities. 

Set sail, participate, take the road less traveled, appreciate the familiar and embrace the unknown.  It's not so bad and you just might like it!

Relationship Talk

I was chatting with a friend about love and relationships.  We talked about exercising choice power while dealing with the emotional sides of a relationship.  In particular loving from choice vs loving from...mmm...desperation and emotions alone.  Here are a few points we settled on during our conversation:

1. Choices must be made whether your feelings agree with your head or not.  Sometimes it seems easier to give way to emotions and clam up to avoid issues or to snap at someone during frustrating moments.  However, when emotions are leading we often find ourselves saying things we don't mean, agreeing to things that really go against our character, compromising our "self" and character.  But there are things that must be done regardless of how we feel, choices that have to be made, conversations that have to take place etc.  Avoidance often leads to resentment.  It's like a simmering pot waiting to boil over or dry up.  Either way, the issue will show up again.  Might as well deal with it in truth and courage.  Besides, you want your partner to be in love with the real you, not the you you pretend to be. 

2. You gotta have it to give it. Self-awareness is key.  The more in tune you are with your strengths and weaknesses, your hang ups and fears, your gifts and skills, the more you can address issues in a realistic way.  Getting ego out of the way and allowing yourself to be vulnerable allows for more love and connection to happen in a relationship.  If there's something you simply don't have a clue about, say so.  To pretend or to told hold someone to an unrealistic standard when you yourself can't do it nor can your partner, is a waste of energy and of time that could be used to nurture your relationship.  Know what you have to give, be honest about where you lack skills and understanding and then get help to grow.   

3. Response determines the outcome, not the initial conflict.  Every relationship has conflict, even healthy relationships (if there's never any conflict then it's possible that someone is hiding and compromising self).  Coworkers, family, romantic and friendship relationships  all have areas of disagreement and that's not a big deal.  The issue is how we respond to the conflict.  We can get further with listening to understand (even if we don't agree) as well as speaking to clarify (even if it takes saying it a different way).  And after all that sometimes you have to walk away knowing that you have a difference of opinion but maintaining a mutual respect for individuality.  Besides, who wants to live in a world where everyone is a carbon copy of you? Boring.