How To Love by Dr. Gordon Livingston

In "How To Love", Dr. Gordon Livingston digs deep and challenges readers to assess their choices in how and whom to love, placing the responsibiltiy of succesful or failed relationships on the individual choosing to love.

It begins with "first deserve, then desire", a thought that requires each of us who wants to love to first be lovable.  It's an easy yet gut wrenching read when you realize that the immature, anxiety prone "jerk" in the relationship just might be YOU.  But it also comforts the broken-hearted while teaching the newly loving person that it's ok to love all the way.  By pointing out the less desireable personalities traits to avoid and the personality traits to look for when choosing whom we will love, loving well looks within reach.

You can skim through "How To Love" on Google Books.

My Favorite Birthday Present....

photo from genii-cupcakes.co.uk

I just celebrated a birthday and I couldn't really think of any tangible gifts I wanted (and that made sense in my practical mind) besides a popcorn popper and couple of things for my place; so I bought them myself.  I did however, plan brunch and a movie with a few girlfriends that turned out to be a super sweet, intimate and relaxing afternoon.

But while alone in my thoughts, I smiled because the best birthday present I experienced was HAPPINESS.  Happiness and Freedom.  I've written before about the pressure I use to feel to be what people, deep-rooted beliefs, and social expectations were requiring of me.  I never felt free to make my own choices based solely on what I wanted, to learn with an open mind, and to explore without fear.  Not sure I even thought it was an option.  As a matter of fact, I didn't know I wasn't free, I just knew I wasn't happy; waiting on some divine intervention to MAKE things better.  The past 10 years have been unbelievable (good and not so good), but the past year has been AMAZING!!  I admitted so many things to myself; defined my own ever evolving truths, desires, beliefs; no longer suppressed by what I was "suppose" to accept as truth, to want, to believe and to think.  I also became more confident in expressing my truths risking relationships with my family, friends and coworkers.  I didn't take on this challenge with a chip on my shoulder or to prove anything to anyone else.  I pushed myself so that I could see my choice in action.  I wanted a say in my life.  I wanted to see my life, my heart, my mind become peaceful, to see my intentional choices create what I want for myself.  And I've seen it happen.  To be happy.  To have great relationships.  To be financially stable.  To be intellectually stimulated.  To be physically strong.  To simply own my consequences and outcomes and to make adjustments as necessary and as I am ready to.  To exercise a confident resilency when on the down slopes of life and remain hopeful.  To constanly be aware that no one was gonna do what I needed to do for myself. It's not that any of this wasn't possible before, but I was stuck thinking there was only one way to live; waiting for a miracle.  The only miracle I've witnessed with results is the miracle of CHOICE and it is powerful.