I Have Found My Balance by TKB

Recently one of my friends shared an enlightening experience with me about choice power, self-awareness and growth.  I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with you!  Check it out:

Photo from The Parks Place

Earlier this year, I decided to take a break from drinking.  If I had to put a title on it, I would consider myself a "social" drinker. One can expect to see me with a glass at a party, an after-work function, restaurant, a Girl's Night Out and my monthly Happy Hours with friends.  Even at home I was known to have the occasional glass of vino or when I felt like being grand, a glass of champagne.  I wouldn't classify myself as an alcoholic because I truly enjoy the flavor and taste of wine, a good Mojito (thanks to my friend who I call the Mojito Master) and an ice cold beer every now and then.  For a long time I convinced myself that I was born in the wrong country.  If I were a European this would be no big deal in the least bit. But I let my mind and thoughts get the best of me and I started to wonder, do I depend on alcohol too much?  

The fact that the question even popped up in my head was reason enough for me to want to explore it more.  Because I decided to approach this year being all about "finding the balance", I thought this feat would prove to be a good one.  I set out to go 21 days without alcohol and then decided if I could do 21 I could do 40 and then I added on 5 days for good measure.  My 45 day stint, which is what I like to call it, was full of emotion and I learned a lot about myself and to me that is always a good thing.  This personal detox allowed me to really take a cold hard look at myself and how I handle situations without the crutch of being able to have a drink to relax me, mellow out, or calm down.  What I was left with were my true raw emotions untainted and ready to be dealt with whether I wanted to or not because there was no escape. 

The first thing I noticed was when things bothered me, whether at work or home, I didn't have the option to pour myself a glass of wine to relax and figure things out; it was either deal with it now or take a moment to assess the situation and then respond. Some situations proved to be more difficult than others but I got through it. Like any fast or detox, the beginning is the hardest and for me it lasted about two weeks.  I was retraining myself to just be, to think, assess and react rather than what I use do: think, have a glass of wine, assess and react. Another challenge for me was handling my social calendar.  Events didn't stop just because I was doing this.  There were still dinner invitations, parties, happy hour requests, wine tastings and the like to constantly try to shake my plight. And again, it was difficult especially after sharing the news of my alcohol detox my friends immediately wanted to know "What wrong with you?" or the question I found the most humor in, "Why in the world would you give up drinking?" These were followed by comments like "Better you than me", or "I could never do that."   However, I’m happy to say that I didn't succumb to the pressure. Suddenly I was proud of myself for creating a goal, and sticking with it.  My inner-being wanted to complete this self assigned task no matter what was thrown my way.  And what started out as a painful journey ended on a high.  Here’s what I got out of it:

• I know it's cliché but you can truly do ANYTHING you set your mind to.
• Self-evaluation and reflection is good and needed for growth and development.
• Battling your thoughts, emotions, and the day-to-day challenges will never be easy but it can be done.
• People will always have something to say when you are doing something different, don't let it shake you!
• On the other side of your challenge you will be a different person, embrace it.

With any new adventure or challenge, in some way shape or form, the experience will change who you are as person or at least it did for me.  While I still enjoy alcoholic beverages, I no longer use them as crutch.  When I have a glass of wine or a cocktail it's because I truly want to.  I am not trying to escape a situation, a thought, or an uncomfortable moment.  I am no longer hesitant to deal with my raw emotions and work through.  I have found my balance.

A Beautiful Mess

One of my favorite persons on the planet gave me the most unreal compliment the other day.  She sent a text asking “Have you ever sat and thought about how near perfect you are?”  Of course I laughed hysterically and responded with “You’re crazy!” We went back and forth a bit as I went on and on about the world and its ideal version of beauty and I just try to make the most out of the cards I’ve been dealt.  She lovingly ignored my response and listed several attributes that she sees in me from intellect to wit, from physical appearance to caring and sensitivity, from adventurous nature and sense of style, hair and skin...  She laid it on pretty thick and I almost wondered who she was talking about.  It was a long list and I’m too embarrassed to share it all verbatim.  But I blushed from ear to ear.  Laughing again I told her I found it funny sense I feel crazy most of the time.  She said “We all are….but you are a BEAUTIFUL MESS.”  I was at the DMV while having this text convo so I couldn’t cry like I wanted to, being the total mushy waterhead I am.  But I loved the thought of that…A BEAUTIFUL MESS.  Even with all that I see happening in the world, in the lives of my friends and family, coworkers and strangers, the good and bad, the misfortunes and the blessings, I see immense beauty that often leaves me in awe.  Human beings never cease to amaze me.  One minute we’re at war in foreign lands and in our homes but the next minute we’re holding each other and celebrating the smallest things.  A beautiful mess….yes, we are.

But to my Tina, who I hope and pray sees in yourself even half of what I see in you,

You my dear are unbelievably MAGNIFICENT.  From your long legs that go on for days to your humongous eyes that spark life in me whenever I see you.  Your smile beams. Your laughter is infectious and addictive.  Your sensitivity and care makes me feel safe and loved and supported.  I love that I can be myself around you without any apprehension or fear of judgment.  You reminded me of my worth when I forgot.  The grace in which you walk in enables you to take people in not just to your home but to your heart is nothing short of heavenly.  Your “fortitude” present today and apparent to me all of our lives wows me and reminds me that I can make stuff happen for myself.  You taught me that working hard for what I want is not only possible but a MUST.  Your hugs are what I look forward to whenever I see you.  My cousin, more like a sister….you are my heart.  I love you.  And hey, have you ever sat and thought about how near perfect you are?  Because I have.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

Honey and I went to the park earlier this week for our typical after work exercise routine.  While settling into a nice pace I notice a mutt doggie, as red as Honey, and his mom-owner having a disagreement.  She wanted to keep walking but the doggie stopped and sat in the grass.  She was actually lifting him up by his torso trying to get him to keep moving.  I thought it was hilarious and figured the dog was just tired and hot.   But as Honey and I got closer the handsome fellow locked his eyes on my Honey and instantly popped up.  He started to sniff and Honey did her usual brief sniff and kiss that she gives to dogs she likes.  However, she didn’t linger and soon looked at me like "Ok, Mommy, let's go."  But the new dog was following us and moving excitedly so Honey turned to give the smitten pup a few more kisses.  The owner explained that he was a rescue and other dogs freaked him out so bad that he would tuck his tail and just sit down.  This was his expression of fear; complete collapse.  After seeing her dog’s response to Honey she was surprised.  “He must like her”, she said.  I thought it was the sweetest thing.  Honey’s magic seems to work on people and dogs and my heart melted watching the puppy (twice her size) spring up and play. My Honey’s cheerful and easygoing disposition offered safety and calm to a strange dog that was use to trauma and fear. Awwww…everybody falls in love with my sweet baby girl. <Insert proud doggie-mom smile here> 

Inspired I pondered the moments we humans have, however brief and random, to cross paths with someone that gives us hope, offers a needed perspective and shares love without expectation simply by being who they are.  I’ve experienced countless moments like these while shopping, dining out, via books and lectures and from my most appreciated family and friends that love and support me.  Just when things look so dark and stagnant Love shows up and sparks a fire in me to get up and LIVE; not just survive but to really LIVE.  I’m thankful.  I sincerely hope and pray that I offer the same to others.

The moral to the story: Give love and light just by being present and aware of your fellow sojourners.  It doesn't take much.  Acknowledge each other with a smile, a compliment, and a “thanks”; be empathetic, supportive and kind.  There’s a connectedness we share as living beings and we need each other.  Don’t hold back the LOVE!